I think i just had a mental breakthrough:

i think I get depressed when things don't go according to my plan. Obviously, if this is happening then my plan isn't the same as God's plans. SO i guess the tricky part is figuring out God's plans, or getting him to change to my secret agenda. But we can't control God's plans... can we? hmmm... i think i should sit down and have a long chat with the 'big guy in the sky'.
Because in my head, things play out in a wonderful way. Yet nothing that happens in my head happens in real life. I know, i'm not making sense. The point of the matter is i'm a dreamer. I create a reality which others can not know. then again, niether can i. I plan things perfectly. They work out perfectly. But only in my head. So i geuss now, i need to come up with a plan of action in order to change my ways.
until then, i should stop planning my life.

I know, i know, crack light. I'm working my way down.. weaning off the hard stuff slowly