So i've been thinking...please don't stop reading, i know my wonky views of the world are scary, but the point of this blog is for me to express how i feel, what i think. And to change the world. I don't know how, but i want to do... so where was i.... oh yeah, i've been doing a lot of thinking about music. In any given mood i will play my guitar and take out whatever it is that is going on on my guitar (poor Evad-Indigo... she's a gentle soul). so the other day, being particularily bored and needing something to occupy my hands with, i started to play. I was in a good mood, having a good day, so it was easy. I sang and I played. A lot. So i'm hanging out with the roomies, who were listening to me play because for once i was in the living room when i usually play in my room... so we're just chatting and they ask me to play them a song. So i play an Indigo girls tune, then another tune, then a jewel tune. All these songs i play, they're not mine. I can't sing them, i can't play them, because they're not me. Sure, they mirror things i feel, they say things i wish i had said... but they're someone else. "music is a reflection of self and then we get our cheques in the mail". So by singing these songs, i'm trying to be somoene else. but then again, we all knew that already.
So here i am trying to write songs... but then it leads me to thinking, why bother? I mean, when i play, i sing, i improvise. it's fun. I've never written a song down. I think it is because i'm afraid. When you let people listen to a song, it's like your opening the curtains... here i am, look at me...
in a recent conversation with my sister, this is what came from our discussion of whether or not i should write things down:
playing for yourself, i don't see the point of writing it downn.... it'll be different everytime you play it, and you're just playing for you, so do it how you feel, with words you like. It's your own story. As for playing for others, it's like letting them in on a piece of your world. You open the curtains and let them peek in, so my comment to that is why not show them your world as it is you?

but i also use other people's lyrics as a way to express what i want to say, but maybe don't have the words. So many people put it so much better than i do.. or is it that i construct my reality around other peoples words?

wow, i really do think too much.... please, make my brain stop working.

So here i am, thinking random thoughts, trying to make sense of why i do what i do.... or why i don't do what i want to do. Comments, questions? advice? opinion? you know where to find me...

one more quick comment, i've stopped reading what i write, it gets written down exactly as it is in my head, so don't worry about typos, poor phrased sentences and unfinished thoughts... this ins't a formal essay... this is me... as i am