Ambivalence

Feeling particularily ambivalent on a day thatshould bring happiness. Here i sit confined in four walls with one slightly ajar door of what used to be my safe haven of sleepless... now it's just sleepless. Writing run on sentences of fragmented thoughts, stories, feelings and fragments while they run on inside my head. not making sense. don't want to make sense. Why does every thing have to make sense, and how do we know we're there?
So here i am, pondering, looking out my bedroom window. I'm watching green leaves dance in the sunlight as it dances from behind the clouds. i think of a million things i could or should be doing, some outside, some inside. But i think for now, i'll just sit. and wait. and think.