busy

I think I'm probably avoiding something pretty big in my inner life, she said, because I'm keeping pretty busy (www.storypeople.com)

When I launched the theory out loud, it made even more sense to me. Everyone else thought it sounded ridiculous. It didn’t matter that much, I was used to it. I know my train of thought and ‘logic’ is a little less than orthodox to most people. But it works for me.

I was walking down the street today, and as per usual, I was counting on a healthy mix of my Ipod and some daydreaming to keep me entertained. The daydreaming naturally turned into self analysis. Something I spend entirely too much time doing.

So the outcome of today’s late session was this theory. If I had applied myself back in the day, and had any sense of discipline, I could have met and exceeded those goals by now. Or could I have? Do people miss their goals because they're not applied? Or because they're afraid. Maybe we pretend to have goals, and plans, because it's an expectation and a value set by society norms.

So the very fact that I have only dabbled in, and not accomplished stuff that I daydream doing, is a testament to the fact that maybe those things aren't so important to me afterall. It's all just something to keep me entertained and occupied for almost every accountable hour of the day.

But you know? At least, I remain entertained.