Stuck

Sometimes, you feel stuck in a moment. And you can't get out of it.


And sometimes, that's the only way to describe what its like to be home.

Yesterday, I was at a party of friends from highschool. And although things are different, and we've all changed, when we were together, it was like nothing had changed.

Or maybe we just all still fit into the same shoes. I think these shoes are stuck in quicksand.

Home

Home.

It's a transient term with a permanent effect. It varies, depending on where I am and where I am referring to.

Right now, I am home. It is not my home though. It is the home my parents moved to after I moved to Halifax. But it is where my family is, so it is home.

Home, is in Halifax. It's where I have made my life, my friends. My home (okay, rented home) is there. My Cat is there, my job is there. My stuff is there. It is home because it is where I am usually. It is where I am comfortable and free.

There are other homes that are just like home to me. Friend's homes. Where you find your friends, and their families. Growing up, most of these homes were as comforting and welcome as your own. You helped yourself to what was in the cupboards, you washed your dishes, or at least put them in the dishwasher, and occasionally you even answered their phone. The door was always open and many years later.... still is.

I am home for the holidays. I hope you are too!

Merry Christmas!

Lost

It's been just over 48 hours, and I still feel lost. I know, I'm going through symptoms of withdrawl. Does this ever get better?

On Friday afternoon, when I turned on my laptop, it was working as fine as it had been for the past month. but then, all of a sudden, I heard something rattle around on the inside. Next, there was a loud sputter and suddenly the silence of a fan no longer whirring. Dust flew out of the vent on the side of my computer. And then a message: There is a problem with the cooling system. Please turn off your computer.

And that was it. The end of my laptop. Well, temporarily. I'm going to have someone open it up and see if the fan still will work.

Until then, it's limited internet access. It means using my roomies computer. I'll be around though, or if not, i'll just be wandering. And lost.