I know not what I do

Interesting morning meeting today. I was meeting for coffee/discussion with some group members about this really great education program we're trying to get off the ground. Most of you have probably heard me talk about the program-- Humanities 101. Basically, in one sentence, which will do the project no justice, it's aimed at educating people who live in poverty. The cirriculum focus' on the humanities.
Apparently there is another group in the city that is attempting to start this as well. They're a religious organization. they're using the idea of the course, but are more or less focusing on a more 'salvation' approach. Although i'm supportive of their idea, that is not what my group members and I want to do. We're afraid that that might deter people. There are a lot of biases, prejudices and opinions that come with involving the church with projects. It's interesting though because the group memebers looked at that as more of a charity project, and a 'lets do good works so we can get to heaven project'. I sat there, listening to their concerns, and wondering, at which point do I say something? Is it wrong for me to agree and say that i would like to keep this seperate of my Christian life? It's not that i want to keep it entirely separate, more that i agree with the argument that there is a possibility of religion creating a barrier. So then i wonder, should i have said something more during the meeting? There were a lot of arguments raised about stuff like everyone trying to earn, and/or scare people into salvation. I wish i could have been more vocal about what i think about that.
Is it okay to say that i don't agree with some of the stuff that happens in the Church? Doesn't matter i guess, i didn't say anything and now it is too late. But because i dwell on absolutly everything, i must think about this so that if it happens again, i'm ready for it.
So if anyone has any ideas or suggestions or wants to talk this through with me, you know where to find me. Someone throw me a lifeline, i feel like i'm drowning here...
just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Why?

Now I know that normally when someone asks why, the typcial answer is , why not? (Well, that's my answer). But that isn't gonna work in this situation

The question? why is it that the things that matter the most to me are the most difficult? Here i am writing an application essay for this conference that i REALLY want to go to. It is in Germany at the end of the summer. Its a conference about langauge documentation and preservation, which is one of the possilbe carreers that i'm considering persuing. This would be a 10 day course for me to try it out....Why can't i come up with the words to tell them that.... PLEASE LET ME COME... maybe that will be my application essay.
I think i'm scared. If i don't do a good job, then i can blame not getting in on the fact that i didn't try that hard. If i do a good job and i get rejected, then i have to deal with the fact that they don't want me there. What's a girl to do?
But just for the record, this not being able to do the things that matter to me most kind of situation is the story of my life. There are so many things i want to do, want to say... but i can't, well, no, i can, i just don't. Maybe by the time i gather up the courage to do something different it will be too late.
Why am i such a chicken? I used to be a superhero.

Pancakes and batteries

Yesterday was Pancake Tuesday.... I love pancake Tuesday. I think though, that making the pancake room for Adam kind of ruined pancakes for me. I still love them... but now they're different. I can't eat as many as i used to.... well, they were big little suckers anyway! (anyone know what the proper term for using a contradiction like big litte.... is?, there must be one but i forgot). But anyhoo, yay for pancakes, and friends to eat them with :)
so on a completely different note, i just noticed that my travel mug is the inverse of a duracell battery. The travel mug is shiny and gold with a black top, and the battery is black with the unbeatable coppertop. I only noticed this because there is a battery on my window sill and a mug close by. Wierd.
So anyhoo, i have a lot of work to do... later gators....

I've always wanted to be a Goddess

So i was reading Cosmo magazine today. In defense of me, i borrowed it from a friend. That has to be the raunchiest magazine out there! So today, i'm hanging out, relaxing, and perusing Cosmo.
First, let me state that i don't think i will ever be a Cosmo girl. According to the magazine, it's all Sex, sex, and sex.... and occaisonaly, if they're feeling bold, they'll run a few more sex tips.
I stumble out of my bewilderment and i'm hanging up some laundry in the dining room, when Holly poses an honest question with regards to an issue we both struggle with-- how do we always end up being just the friend... especially when you might want to take it to the next level... so i ponder for a very short second, and then the answer jumps to me.... girls like us, we're too tame. We haven't figured out how to unleash the sex kitten godess that is inside of us....
So now we have a problem... how does one unleash the sex kitten goddess, wait, i don't think i should.
I should get some sleep now. In my bed. Yes, people do sleep in their beds. Alone. Someone should let the Cosmo editors in on that little secret...
Oh, and the title was not implying sex kitten godess! Get your mind out of the gutter!

Winter Wonderland

Halifax is a winter wonderland. It's amazing what 3 feet of snow can do to transform a place. Walking the streets is like a maze-- nothing looks the same, it's all buried under snow. The sidewalks are tunnels... the snow banks are at least 5 or 6 feet on each side. The snow is slippery kind of like cookie dough. We should be so lucky.
So with lots of snow comes lots of work-- the advantage of being within walking distance. I worked four eight hour shifts in the period of 2 days. It was alright though... money in my pocket at least. Kept me busy, got me out of the house so i coulnd't go stir crazy. Sometimes work really is the best place for this tracy. True story.
So what else? I don't know either.
Tomorrow is pancake Tuesday, and that makes me happy.

Out of sorts

Ani Difranco had it right... i've had a bit to drink, and it's making me think....
true story. Why does liquor give me the courage and thoughts that i'm trying to repress? Must be an illusion, either that or i should stop thinking and or drinking. Or maybe, those thoughts that are in the back of my mind *even when i'm sober, are trying to escape for a reason. I should think about that... but tonight i've had a bit to drink... tomorrow shoudl be a snow day... i'll start thinking about it then

I want to be a successful failure

Studying for a midterm. I'm going to fail. But that is okay, because i'm going to succeed at failing. If i set out to do that, and i actually do fail, i will have suceeded. It's all your state of mind. This is a fool proof theory.
besides failing might be character building, it'll put me back in my place... yep. i should just fail. If try to fail and i succeed, then i will have suceeded and thus even though i failed, i will have been successful.
Maybe i shouldn't even bother studying

it happens to the best of us

i was wrong. gulp. i know you're shocked too.
maybe it was boredom, maybe it was the intrigue of a good scandal, or maybe my mind just ran away with me again. In any event, i found out today that if there is a strike at dal, it won't affect my classes. it will just be TAs, and classes can still function without them. That's great. i actually feel much better. Of course, i had come up with this brilliant idea of scandal and revolution, but now these ideas have been swept out to sea. So i was a little let down.
I have got to start living outside of my imagination and the desire to start a revolution.

thought of the day

I think we come up with solutions... and then find problems to fit them. If the problem doesn't exist. We create it... but not to worry, we have the solution-- it's right here in my back pocket. But of course, things never work out as we plan. then the problems grow and expand. Oh no... the solution doesn't work anymore. But what now? WHy does nothing ever go as planned? Now we have a problem. We created it ourselves. And we have a solution. But it doens't even have a problem to solve. And we're just digging a grave, and jumping on it.

Cookies and Love Letters !!!!!!!!!!

How could i forget? Yesterday, was not only quirkyalone day/valentines day... we at Larch St, got a Love letter!!!!!
T'was a brilliant letter, a tale of unrequited love... a secret admirer!!!!HOORAY!! A letter than warmed us Larch St girls from the top of the head to the tips of our little toes. A letter that made us laugh, made us want to cry it was so beautiful. I was so excited. I rang the bell and told Holly to come down quick... I was on my way to work. What a wonderful letter to find right before work... and it even came with cookies!

Love letters and cookies.... it doesn't get much better than this! I remain, always, me.

ummm.... i gots nothing

Salutations
So today, i completed CPR training. I'm now a level C, whcih means, should the need arise that i can perform CPR on adults, kids or babies. Scary though. I have the power to save a life, but i will i remember? Before if there was anyone that needed CPR, i could just say, i don't know. Now i will have to say, yes. i hope i never have to use it. I keep remembering that one day where we had a panic situation at work, and i was all shaky and forgot how to do my job. I knew how, i just couldn't do. Scary stuff. but i'm glad i know, because the worst thing is not to be able to do anything at all.... at least now i can make an effort.

So that is that.

And now it's 11:30, and i don't know what to do. I'm tired, and so i might try going to bed. Worked overnight last night... slept for a couple of hours and then went to do CPR training. Took a nap when i got home-- another couple of hours-- but now i'm still tired. I think in the past 3 days i've had about 10 hrs of sleep. yeah, i'm going to bed. goodnight

To know or not to know

Knowledge is power.... sometimes
But i've done some thinking. And i've decided in many applications of my life, it's not a good idea to know. To know is to have a responsibility. An expectation is then placed on one. It's scary. WHat if i don't rise to the challenge?
Knowledge is also an excuse. Knowledge is power. Knowledge is useful. Knowledge is scary. Knowledge is knowing that i should end this blog.

And now... the posting you've all been waiting for....

it's the middle of the day. well, slightly past. I should be doing school work. I'm going to fail my midterm on wednesday if i don't start studying. but i was thinking that I haven't written in days. So here it is folks, the post you've all been waiting for.
I've been in an odd mood (yep, even for me), so i'm sure there is a lot of checking and 'when is she gonna write next. her blogs sometimes get a little out of hand, what will she write about next? what about me? am i gonna be in it?"
To be on the safe side, no one is going to be in it. Please be advised that from this point on, i will no longer tell the truth. I will no longer say how i feel, what i think, or even why. It just gets me into trouble. But for that matter you can't count on me lying either. That sometimes gets me into more. So i geuss you'll just have to take me with a grain of salt and whichever way you please. Right now, i'm thinking i'd make a good barbeque.

this is a blank sign that lets you go any direction you want, with no questions asked, but it's no help at all when you want to know if you're going the right way (www.storypeople.com)

I spent a long time trying to find my center until i looked closeley one night and found it had wheels and moved easily in the slightest breese, so now i spend less time sitting and more time sailing....


Brilliant. Except i don't think i'll take up sailing.
Your Story

who's Story?

Silly me, i started that blog because i wanted to put this one in it... i was told to take life a little less seriously, and when i stumbled upon this, it made me smile.

I'm not sure if the world's all that serious, she said, or if it just has a really dark way of having a good time

Check out the link, and just ask it to find recommended stories for you...

Your Story

Tell me a story

I'm an addict. There is a website called the "Story People", my sister got me started on it. It's got neat little stories (we're talking one liner's here folks), in other words, stories for the ADD child inside of you. So in these one liners, some are meant to make you giggle, others to make you cry. They offer a humours outlook, sometimes cynical, sometimes postivistic, and sometimes just nonsensical approach to the world. Each one i read, i think, that could be me. But if everything i read or see is something i identify with, then the real question to ask is... what is me? or who... rather.

I was gonna post a couple of my favs, but i can't get on to MSN, and the one i really like is currently my MSN name.
I"ll leave you with this one though... i think it does accurately sum me up... questions, comments, concerns? you know where to find me....

When I first met him, I knew in a moment I would have to spend the next few days re-arranging my mind so there'd be room for him to stay.

Uncomfortable

My comfort zone is not so comfortable any more. Why? and how do i find a comfortable comfort zone?

I've got questions... do you have answers?

Are many short posts in one day okay? Or does that go against my new concise rule? technically, i could be writing many concise entries.
Oh yeah, if you're wondering where all this came from... Gyrce's Maxims of Communication... we learned all about them in linguistics class. I'll tell you more... only if you ask.

Change the world

So apparently i write super long blogs. I know that.
Apparently, i'm losing my audience because of that. I don't like that.
So i'm changing my ways.
From now on, it will be short, and concise.
This is the end.

Irony.... oh how i love irony

well, we all know that i love irony. Sometimes i create it, sometimes i'm a bi-product of it... it's good stuff.

this one is the irony of Munroe Day.
At Dal, we celebrate Munroe Day by taking a day off of school. Day off of school, i'm all for that. So i thought i'd do a little poking around, try to find out just who exactly this munroe dude was, well, he gave dal a lot of money because they almost went bankrupt. So Munroe gives Dal money so they can stay open, and I can have a better education... so we celebrate this by closing the university for the day and taking a day off of school. Funny stuff. maybe next year we should celebrate by adding an extra day of class... school on saturday, mandatory sessions. Can you imagine? Oh the kufuffle.... funny stuff though

and if you didn't notice, i've now got titles... yep i'm getting all fancy-schmancy... pulling out all the stops.... nothing i wouldnt do for the enjoyment of my readers..... excecpt punctuatuon. I'm too lazy.
over and out

Bonjourno Princepesa!! (he hee hee, now you're all princess' :D)

So i just re read my last blog ... and it's funny that i ended it with "just keep swimming"... now you're porbably thinking... that's not funny, she stole that from Finding Nemo... she's losing her marbles (sorry to tell you, but i don't think i had any to begin with), so anyhoo... swimming... i walked home from work this morning, i quite enjoy walking home in the morning.. the sleeping city has a stillness to it... anyhoo, it was just like swimming... my toes got very wet, for some reason last night i decided just to wear my sneakers... no boots... i felt like i was swimming home.. good times.
Well, let me think. Oh here is a good story... i think i found the carreer of my dreams! I was reading the Globe and Mail and there was an ad in the Carreer section... there is a company that wants brilliant Misfits!!!! OOOOHHH OOOHHH OOOOHH.... PICK ME!!!! I'm the Tracy you need! I think i'll write them a letter, they want letters only... no resumes. I'll be funny, witty and charming, and they'll love me! So all the way home i composed a letter in my head an conjured up a fantasy world in which they thought i was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Tracy goes from zero to hero just by writing one funny letter. I'm just kidding, i just checked it out, it's a motivational speaking company. Can you imagine? me? I'd be all akward, and nervous... I'm slightly disapointed though... i really thought i had something here. Oh well, i'll keep looking... just keep swimming, just keep swimming
I was also doing some thinking bout the Globe... as many of you know, it is my favourite newspaper, i'm not sure why... i hate politics, not a big fan of crazy business news, and i usually support finding out what happens in my own backyard before tackling national news. So i'm reading Canada's national newspaper, and it dawns on me... apparently Canada is Ontario. because i would say that about 95% of the content is a story with an Ontario focus. Since when did that province become so important? How does Ontario pull off that level of arrogance?
On another note.. there was this letter to the Editor in the paper about how giving education more money isn't the answer to a better education system... i agree. i think there are fundamental practices in the structure of schools that need to be fixed first. So anyhoo, the shcool is praising the Alberta school system, it makes reference to something which i don't quite understand (an undefined acronym), so this might be a bogus opinion... but i think it said that the Alberta education system is more efficient becuase students are scoring higher on standardized tests. I think that is the biggest load of crap the governement has ever produced. Alberta standardized tests are a joke.. they only test a students ability to understand the obvious... ie Jimmy the giraffe goes to school. What kind of animal is Jimmy? Ummm... i think he's a gopher. true story. The Globe was the paper that published an editorial about this not to long ago. Ontario standardized tests allow students to be creative and teach them to think analytically. But really, who needs to think? Then it continues to say how more students in alberta carry on to post secondary education... i'm curious to know the success rates and outcomes. I think i might have to write a letter to the editor, give 'em crap for only telling half the story. "We don't say everything that we should, so we can say later, well, you misunderstood"... anyone know what song that is?
Alors mes amies (so my friends), i figured i start with "so" too much... it's a very useful phrase indeed. someday, i'll publish the 'so' monologue, alhtough, i can't find it. I should remeber most of it by now. The so monologue was one of my best peices of writing during highschool. True story. i wonder how it would have fared on an Alberta standardized test? Might be worth looking into....
anyhoo, this is getting long, funny because i have a few more rants of the day i meant to publish.. but i'll work on them later, either that, or i'll forget. either one could be good.
over and out.... till we meet again...

Blank

hey all
so it's been a while..... how can 2 days feel like two years?
So i've been thinking sometimes detaching from the world is really a good thing. But how do you seperate? How do you witness something awful and then block it from your mind? How do you know that that is one thing, this is another? How do you remember what is this and what is that. I know, i'm not making sense. I'm sorry... it was a pretty awful yesterday, and the downness of it has gotten to me today.
So lets change gears a little... not much else going on there... i have a project which i'm really excitied to do. I have to interview 3 people, one casual interview, a slightly more structured one, and then another slightly more structured one... The catch is that all of our interviews ahve to be with people we don't know, and they have to be face to face... it's exciting... there are so many intruiging and favourite people that i have all over the city, it's just who to interview? So far, i haven't come up with much... any ideas?

anyhoo, i think i'm gonna go to bed.... call it a night... later gators.. and until next time... just keep swimming, just keep swimming

In the red
So every once in a while a really good idea jumps into my head about what would make a funny blog. This morning, one of those 'surprised' me. Now, my first intention was, i should not write that in a blog... how distasteful is that. But it's funny, and it's kind of been bothering me all day. So i told my roomie, who nearly fell off of her seat laughing... and she said, you have to.... how can you not. So i'm a little nervous, i don't want to disgust, confuse, appall or traumatize any of my guy friends.... what will they think of me... i don't want to embarass myself or my friends. ...but women on the other hand, you will likely relate.

So this is it ladies and gentlemen, I'm taking a whole new step forward in the boldness department.... so if you're a male reader and get a little squeamish with women's personal issues.... i suggest you stop reading. Now.
Okay, I'm sure all women know what it is like to wake up and get a surprise from a monthly visitor. so this morning, i'm looking under the sink for a tampon. Happy Day, I think, i still have some Tampax compacts left (they're half the size, and still just like the regular tampons with applicators!) they're a very ingenious invention, you know. they fit in pockets and purses better, they're sneakier and more subtle. So i shove one in my pocket and that's when i notice... they have the most crinkliest packaging in the whole wide world. Like why not stick a big sign, or better still carry a string of them around my neck.... Geez louise. I mean, it's not like I'm not already feeling crappy enough as it is...I mean really, I already feel like i'm going to burst out of my pants and that some sort of alien has nestled itself in my lower back... and then my pocket has to scream 'that time of the month' too? What is with this? So as i had my trusty little friend in my pocket, it reminded me it was there... every time i moved. So i've been thinking, all day long. I'm gonna write Tampax and complain. i mean, they are quite possibly the largest tampon manufacturer in the whole wide world, you think they could get it together? Why did they put plastic wrappers on the compacts and not on the regulars? that's bothersome.
Anyhoo, that's the end of my little rant. If you're a male reader and you made it this far, congrats. If you're a woman, join me in the fight agaist evil tampon packaging! Anyhoo, i'm going to go crawl into my bed with a hot water bottle and not come out for a while...
later gators

Tracy the Wonder Years Wonder Chef

Wow, so when i started this thing i was a diligent blogger... now i'm a slacker... ooops. I'm sorry folks. I geuss the moral of the story is that i'm afraid i can't be so entertaining anymore. But i know i've got it in me somewhere, as my mom tells me, i was a funny kid... apparentyl, we have no pictures to prove it... but she tells me it's true. I hope so... but what does it really matter in the long run?

So it's 2:16 am... i have been up since 11 am... in the kitchen pretty solid for about 6 hours. We had a dinner party here tonight... never would have pulled it off without the help of my FABULOUS roomies, who make extra trips to the grocery store because i forgot some stuff, clean, stir, make me laugh, clean more and do just about anything i ask. People like that are the people that make my world go round. So we had a splendid feast of Egyptian Food... i hope everyone enjoyed what they ate. I was very pleased with the way things turned out... damn i'm good... am i allowed to pat myself on the back for this one?
I had a great time cooking all day too, it is funny, but the day flew by, and i loved dwindling it away in the kitchen... i think it was good for me to spend the day cooking... it detaches me from the rest of the world.

So i don't mean to be boasting, but i do have one more quick funny story for you. Some of you have heard this in person... you can just ignore this... i don't mean to be repetitive... really, i don't mean to be repetitive...
For one of my classes we had to write an educational biography... i was afraid, the thought of writing a 12-15 page paper all about me for someone to read and mark was scary. But it had to be done, so i did it up Tracy style....think of it as a really long blog. Except it was written a little more eloquently, and with a few sociological themes whcih i had to discuss... anyhoo... point in case, is i handed in this paper. When my prof handed it back, he told me it was hilarious... he said he had a lot of fun reading it, it was one of the most humourous blogs (see, i knew not taking things seriously would eventually benefit me). he actually said in the class that reading mine was like watching an episode of The Wonder Years... i loved that show. I think that is the highest compliment a prof can give. Happy day....

So i have more stories to tell, but i have to be up in 5.5 hours and i'm sleepy. thank you and goodnight.